I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize