I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
