Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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