Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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