Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
