I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
