He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
