On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
