My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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