dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
