That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
