rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
