i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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