Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
