Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
