just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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