I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
