It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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