Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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