mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
