my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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