I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
