he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
