I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
