Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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