I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
