She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
