wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
