I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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