i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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