At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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