So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
