I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
