I don't usually arrange sex via text message
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
