Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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