Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
