Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
