Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
