I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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