I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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