Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
