He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize