apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
