Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The maid of honor just puked.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
