I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
