no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
