My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He better not be in your backpack
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
