after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
