from now on my penis is your penis
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
