I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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