I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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