jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize