I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
