3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
