come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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