I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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