Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
