everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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