A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
