New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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