I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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