So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
