Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Holy sore nipples Batman
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
