I was born with a shot glass in my hand
No stitches, just platelets and will power
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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