u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
