They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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