how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
