Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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