You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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