i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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