do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
