he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
