Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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