i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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