It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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