My liver just broke up with me...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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