he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
