I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
