Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
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