her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
