I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
