I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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