He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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