he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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