from now on my penis is your penis
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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