yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
