if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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