she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
