dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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