just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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