Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
