dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
