turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize