Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
