Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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