Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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