I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
