I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
