I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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