i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
