i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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