so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
