i think my tv is drunk
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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