I just threw up on my dentist
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
