No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
