I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
