i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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