I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
