I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
