I cut my penus on the lid.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
