every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
