You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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