Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
