she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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