but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
thus making me awesome and them whores
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
