I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
