so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
