when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
