I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
